


Forgetting, Forgotten

by forkflinger



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, Game: Kingdom Hearts 358/2 Days, Gen, Pre-Kingdom Hearts II
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-08
Updated: 2019-01-08
Packaged: 2019-10-06 11:33:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,744
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17344523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/forkflinger/pseuds/forkflinger
Summary: "Inside people's memories, I can live forever."Axel forgets.Axel is forgotten.Hard to say which is worse.





	Forgetting, Forgotten

**Author's Note:**

> It occurred to me after I started writing this that Axel was unconscious during the end of 358/2 Days. So... now he's not.

Axel was cold, and he was wet, and those were two of his least favorite things to be. This stupid mission had to be some petty revenge of Saïx’s. Why else would he be sent to this icy wasteland to tromp around a mountain in knee deep snow? Roxas wasn’t gonna be here. The imposter wasn’t gonna be here, if that even mattered anymore; he was losing track of what the Organization cared about. There was no sign of the Heartless he was supposedly sent here to hunt. Just Axel and too much goddamn snow.

No one had warned him he was headed into a frozen hellscape, so he was left shivering in his thin black coat. At least it was waterproof, but even that was losing out against the swirling winds shoving snowflakes down the back of his neck. Occasionally he’d release a spout of flame, just enough to warm his fingers, but it would’ve been too hard to keep up constantly without fuel, and there was nothing flammable for miles. Except maybe for himself, and after a while he seriously considered it.

He looked up, but the sun was hidden by thick gray clouds. It had to be late. Late enough to give up and go home? He had a date with some ice cream and a clock tower, after all. He shivered and tried not to think too hard about who’d be there with him. Roxas had run off, and the last he’d seen of Xion, she was laying limp in Xemnas’s arms. Who knew what he’d do to her? What would be left when she returned? She was, after all, just supposed to be a puppet. 

Axel shook his head to clear away the thoughts. She’d be fine. She might be a little mad at him, sure, but she’d get over it. And maybe she’d started as a puppet, but nothing Xemnas could do would be able to erase the person she’d become. They’d had too many sunsets together for him to wipe the slate completely clean. Some things couldn’t be forgotten, and Axel put a lot of effort into making sure he was one of those things. 

With Xion back, Roxas could return too. Hopefully on his own, so Saïx could stop sending Axel on pissy little spite missions to his own personal hell. He was pretty sure he’d overheard Saïx contemplating the mechanics of a mission to the stupid fish world and Axel was _not_ looking forward to that. Maybe he’d just defect. Still, better for Saïx to take out his frustrations on Axel instead of Xion or Roxas.

A fresh gust of wind tore through his flimsy coat and set him shivering again. Fuck this, actually. Tomorrow he’d go look for Roxas somewhere warm, and Saïx could jump up his own ass. He just wanted things to be back to normal. It was kinda weird how important such a dumb little thing had become to him, but all he wanted was to be back on the clock tower, eating ice cream with Roxas and what’s-her-face. 

He blinked. Xion. Right.

Today, maybe he’d break with tradition and introduce the kids to hot chocolate. Sure, ice cream was great, but there were other sweets out there and Axel wanted a hot drink. But Roxas had always been so damn excited about it, and it was hard to disappoint him. And then he’d passed it on to that other kid, and there was just no going back from that. Ice cream every day.

Axel stopped walking and frowned. Now, that was two times he’d forgotten Xion’s name. Was his brain actually freezing? Axel unleashed a swirl of flame to warm himself, melting the snow around him; he’d be damned if he let Saïx have the satisfaction of him dying on this stupid icy mountain. Not when he had to keep an eye on Roxas and the chick.

The girl. The kid. Number XIV. What’s-her-face. Tip of his tongue. Something was definitely wrong with him. Xion.

He said it out loud. “Xion.” The word came out in a frozen cloud. “Xion,” he repeated. Easy. Obviously. Like he’d forget his best friends’ names. Roxas. And. Uh.

What the hell?

Axel turned around, scanning his surroundings but coming up with nothing but the gray sky and white snow. No sign of some weird name-eating Heartless stalking him, or any shadowy figure watching menacingly. Just him and his mind, which was apparently failing. Fun. Whatever it was, he had to get off this damn mountain. Maybe even out of this world, and Saïx could bitch about the unfinished mission to his non-heart’s content.

He squeezed his eyes shut tight, trying to focus. Roxas, that was easy. Blonde kid, best friend, Keyblade wielder, too cute for his own good, currently on the run because of something they’d done to someone. Damned if he could remember who, though. Someone important, right? Had to be.

Oh, right. It was Xion. How could he have forgotten about her? Had he forgotten her earlier? Couldn’t have. Black hair, best friend, Keyblade wielder, sweeter than ice cream, currently somewhere. His head was starting to hurt. Roxas and Xion, his best friends. Roxas and Xion, watching the sunset. Roxas and Xion, working together with their Keyblades. Roxas, so delighted when they’d gone to Neverland and learned to fly. Roxas, gathering seashells. No, wait, that wasn’t Roxas. It was the other one. Black hair. Keyblade? No, Roxas had the Keyblade.

The headache got sharper, but only when he pushed against it. He could still think clearly about most things. Saïx, the Organization, being on this stupid mountain, Roxas. When he tried to remember that other thing, though, it felt like he was trying to do algebra after a long night in Port Royal. 

Whatever it was, he was gonna fight it. He focused back in on details, picking bits out of the fog. Black hair. Blue eyes. Name had an X in it - well they all had that, real fucking useful, good job. She ate ice cream with them. They’d sit and watch the sunset together, him and Roxas and this fuzzy black smudge in his memories. 

The name came back, and he spat it out while he still could. “Xion!” It felt clumsy, like a foreign word he only knew phonetically. He didn’t know what it meant. He groaned and pressed his hands to his temples as pain stabbed through his forehead. What was happening, and how could he stop it? He wouldn’t lose these memories. He wouldn’t allow it.

He dropped to his knees in the snow as another wave of pain hit him like a physical blow. Black hair. Ice cream. Sunsets. Seashells. Something, anything. A gentle smile. A soft giggle. Xemnas, carrying something away.

He opened his mouth again, hoping he could repeat that strange word, but nothing came out. Fire swirled around him unbidden, fueled by rage. Thinking had never felt like such a physical effort, but he had to push through the pain and the fog. Black hair. Seashells. They were going to go to the beach. He screamed.

Suddenly, the fire died. Axel blinked. Why was he on his knees? Must’ve slipped on the ice. Ugh, that last burst of flames had drained him more than he would’ve thought. He was exhausted. He climbed to his feet and shook his head. Enough of this damn snow. He wasn’t going to complete whatever nonsense mission Saïx had demanded of him. Saïx was just being pissy about Roxas running off and taking it out on Axel. Pfft, and he acted like he was the mature one.

Axel squinted up at the sky and spotted the sun, pale behind the gray clouds. If he hurried, he could make it to the tower by sunset. Hopefully Roxas would come to his senses and meet him there. If not, well, he’d just blow off Saïx tomorrow and go look for him. He had a few ideas of where the kid might’ve gone, and they were all more fun than this place. He’d track Roxas down, bring him home, and they could go back to normal. Just the two of them, eating ice cream at sunset.

He turned back and started down the mountain toward the corridor that had brought him here. Tomorrow, he’d find and bring back his best friend. Just like he’d promised.

 

\----------

 

Getting into the simulation where they’d been keeping Roxas was tricky, and Axel still wasn’t entirely sure how it worked. How could Roxas be _in_ a computer? But, there it was, a copy of Twilight Town tucked into the space between. If he flicked his wrist just so, he could open a portal where there shouldn’t have been one and step into the fake town.

The first time he’d come, he’d found Roxas playing some dumb kid’s game. Axel summoned some Dusks, just to see what would happen, and the foam bat was dropped and the Keyblade appeared. 

He’d been warned. Saïx had told him that the people who’d captured Roxas had trapped him here by messing with his memories. It wasn’t too much of a shock, then, when Roxas stared at him as blankly as on day one. Axel wasn’t worried about it. The kid just needed reminding, that was all. The old bastard running things kicked him out before he got a chance, but now that he had the knack for it, it wouldn’t be hard to get back in.

On this second visit, Axel appeared behind Roxas in an alley, instead of the public square he’d found him in before. He wasn’t exactly sure how any of this worked, but maybe he’d have a few more minutes before getting booted this time.

“Look at what it’s come to,” he said with a sigh. “I’ve been given these icky orders to destroy you if you refuse to come back with me.” 

Roxas turned to look at him carefully. “We’re… best friends,” he said. “Right?”

Axel rubbed the back of his head. “Sure, but I’m not getting turned into a Dusk for - wait a second!” It took him a second to appreciate the response. When he did, something warm flared up in his chest. He didn’t have a heart, sure, but whatever he did have, it was turning somersaults. “You remember now?”

Roxas nodded. “Yeah.”

“Great!” Axel hesitated. Roxas’s eyes hadn’t changed. They still looked at him without warmth that he hadn’t realized was there until it was gone. Even the last time they saw each other, when Roxas stormed off on a suicide mission for no good reason, he’d still looked at Axel in a way no one else did. There wasn’t a hint of that now. His stomach dropped. “But, y’know, gotta make sure and all,” he said, fighting down a wave of fear. “So, uh, um…” His mind flipped back to nearly a year ago, when he’d been entrusted with the boy would would learn to become Roxas. ”What’s our boss’s name?”

And Roxas just stared, with a face as blank as it had ever been before.

Axel had once believed that he could live forever inside people’s memories. It seemed like the opposite was true, too; Roxas had forgotten him, and something inside of him died. Lately, Axel had questioned from time to time how heartless he really was. He’d had moments, seeing Roxas laugh in the light of the setting sun, where he was almost sure he was feeling. Now was another one of those moments. He surely had a heart, because if he didn’t, then what had just shattered? 

“Aw,” he said. “Can’t believe this.” They were weak words, but it had been a long time since he’d felt anything as strong as the ache in his chest. He’d forgotten what the right words were.

In front of him, his best friend dropped the stick he’d been playing with, and the Keyblade appeared in its place. He glared at Axel. It was an expression he’d seen plenty of times before, but never directed at him. Not as coldly as this. Reluctantly, Axel summoned his chakrams and dropped into a fighting stance.

The world stuttered.

Roxas was gone, and Axel was alone in the alley. He straightened up, barely bothered. The old fart pulling the strings had finally spotted him, and swept Roxas away. Axel took a deep breath, trying to calm down. “The Roxas that I know is long gone,” he told himself. “Fine. I see how it is.” 

He wasn’t sad, of course. He didn’t have a heart to be sad with. Whatever stirrings in his chest he thought he’d felt, he was just deluding himself. Imagining it. After all, he was just a Nobody.

He started walking, the simulated cobblestone streets familiar under his feet. He was still here, and he still had a mission to fulfill. And a promise to keep.

 

Axel had never liked using Dusks to do his dirty work, but he summoned as many as he could for the assault on the mansion. They swarmed the walls, busting down the doors and wreaking havoc. A crowd of them distracted the black-coated pretender, driving him away from his post at the gate. Axel was able to just waltz right in through their wake. 

The basement stretched further than made sense for a building this size, and it didn’t suit the architecture. Clearly a late addition. The cold gray walls reminded him of The World That Never Was, sterile and boring. He didn’t bother with sightseeing, following the minor Nobodies he’d unleashed.

Axel found Roxas dispatching Dusks in the depths of the complex. “Simply amazing, Roxas,” he said, stepping out of the shadows.

Roxas met his eyes. “Axel.”

There was something there now, he thought. Some spark had been relit. Maybe the person standing in front of him was his best friend, after all. And it pissed him off. “You really do remember me this time?” All this effort, and the little brat just now decides to remember? Like he could fix what he’d done to Axel? Rage flared inside him. “I’m so flattered!” he shouted as flames encircled the room. “But you’re too late!”

Roxas responded by pulling out his Keyblade, now the dark intricate design Axel remembered. Then he produced another, delicate and light, and something about it made Axel’s head hurt. “Two?” he growled. He felt like he was forgetting something - but Roxas was the one who’d forgotten him. So he dropped into a low stance, chakrams at hand. He wouldn’t hold back. He’d made that promise, too. “C’mere,” he said, “I’ll make it all stop.” 

Roxas struck first, charging through the flames. Axel dodged and swung his chakrams around, followed by a stream of fire that Roxas stepped back to avoid. Roxas had become a pretty damn decent fighter during the last year, and even though he was the one who started it, Axel wasn’t build for a drag-on brawl like this. He could feel himself giving more ground with each hit, sliding back toward the wall of flames as Roxas brought both Keyblades down on him over and over again. Axel struck out with a sweep of fire, but Roxas jumped higher than seemed possible, bounced off the wall, and leapt at him. 

The flames died away as Axel stumbled back, trying to catch his breath. Roxas just looked at him from across the room. “Axel.” 

Ah. There it was. A shift of tone, barely noticeable, but it was there. This was his Roxas, after all. His Roxas, looking at him with that cold determination. He’d made up his mind, and Axel had failed to change it.

He could have kept fighting. He could’ve pushed himself further, spent the little energy he had left on fighting until he couldn’t move. If he did that, though... Roxas would never give up and come home. Axel just couldn’t destroy him. This fight could only end with Axel dying at the hand of his best friend. Hard to say who that would hurt more.

Axel swallowed. This was the last time he would see his Roxas. “Let’s meet again in the next life,” he said, struggling to keep his voice light.

Roxas nodded. “Yeah. I’ll be waiting.”

Axel tried to smile. “Silly. Just because you have a next life…” He couldn’t look at Roxas as he slipped away, into the safety of the darkness. There, in the space between worlds, he could collapse. 


End file.
